when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
