Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
