ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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