if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
