i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
