yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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