Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
