i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
