yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
