She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry my hands just texted you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize