I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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