i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
