Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
