I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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