why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
