yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
