yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When are your genitals available?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
