You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
