Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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