She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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