Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
