if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize