Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
