I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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