Will you blow on my dice?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize