yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize