Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
