Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
