Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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