i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so let's talk penis.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
