3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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