I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you had me at cake vodka
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize