thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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