hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if you like me you must not know who I am
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
