am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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