the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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