My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
