He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
