omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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