your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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