I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
