he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize