Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
