Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
