u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
