your parents love me but you hate me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
