so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
