I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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