So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
