as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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