Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
