I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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