why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
