Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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