There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
whose parrot is this?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
