We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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