I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
