can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pooping to opera.
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