At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
