I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
