Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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