Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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