i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they need to just BURY HIM!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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