Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
