no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
