Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
