I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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