i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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