Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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