Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
