dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up under a house in Key West
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize